Chapter 1: Understanding Self-Confidence

What does talent really mean?

Hey there!

It’s all too easy to think we can simply become confident by repeating affirmations or rewiring our subconscious minds to believe in ourselves. Sure, our thoughts are influential, but just telling ourselves we’re valuable doesn’t necessarily lead to genuine self-belief. Similarly, many emphasize the importance of physical appearance—like fitness, clothing, and makeup—in boosting self-esteem. While these elements can matter, they often overlook the true foundation of self-confidence.

Dictionaries describe self-confidence as a trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment. Psychologists have explored this concept from various angles, and the consensus reveals that self-confidence is fundamentally about self-trust. This concept intertwines with critical psychological aspects, including self-esteem and self-efficacy.

If I were to express it as a feeling, self-confidence feels like a warm glow enveloping your heart, providing a sense of safety amid life's daily challenges.

I’ve grown quite confident in my identity. Throughout my adult life, I’ve faced periods of insecurity—such as following a difficult breakup or during job hunts that left me unfulfilled. Yet, on an average day, I find a steady sense of security in who I am.

This confidence wasn’t innate; it was cultivated over time. As a teenager, I often felt uncertain about myself. Fortunately, I had parents who exhibited self-assurance, serving as role models. As Albert Bandura highlighted, modeling is a powerful method of learning. I learned from their example and gradually from my own experiences.

What lessons did I take away from this journey?

In summary, my confidence blossomed as I prioritized time alone. While I’ve always appreciated solitude, I gradually realized its benefits. Allowing myself the space to reflect on my thoughts and emotions enabled me to become more familiar with my own presence and heightened my awareness of my life experiences and responses.

This introspection led me to understand the value of spending time with individuals who positively influenced my life. Previously, I didn’t consider the impact of my social circle. Honestly, I didn’t recognize my right to choose companions who uplift me. Learning to say “no” kindly when someone negatively affected my well-being was a pivotal achievement. Initially, going against others’ expectations was uncomfortable, but now I confidently engage only in social situations that resonate with my values and aspirations. If one fears being alone, settling for any companionship is rarely a constructive solution.

Another significant boost to my confidence came when I redefined my understanding of talent. Many cultures assert that talent is crucial for success; if you lack it in a specific area, success seems unattainable. I disagree with this perspective. I don’t believe talent dictates our capabilities. Instead, I emphasize the importance of practice and perseverance. This mindset has kept me focused during challenging times, reinforcing that I simply needed more practice. Over time, I’ve come to trust that I can achieve whatever I set my mind to. Additionally, this belief has allowed me to explore various interests and hobbies, creating a beneficial cycle of practice, joy, and confidence.

Furthermore, I’ve learned to minimize my consumption. I’ve never been one to indulge in excessive spending or believe that material possessions could enhance my self-worth—thanks to my upbringing. However, as I gained financial independence, I occasionally fell for the pitfalls of consumerism. This mindset suggests that we can buy whatever we feel we lack, even states of being, which I find misleading. The truth is: buy less. Most things we think are essential for seeing ourselves positively probably aren’t.

Lastly, an area I continue to work on is establishing goals and holding myself accountable. Since, as mentioned, self-confidence is closely tied to self-trust, learning to believe in myself is crucial for building confidence in my ideas, decisions, and ability to follow through. Goals don’t need to be monumental. For some, simply getting out of bed each day can be a significant achievement. Once I learn to trust myself to accomplish small tasks, larger goals—composed of these smaller steps—start to feel less daunting.

Chapter 2: Practical Strategies for Building Confidence

In this video, Mel Robbins shares insights on building unshakeable self-confidence. She emphasizes the importance of self-trust and practical strategies to enhance your self-belief.

This video features Mel Robbins discussing how to cultivate unshakable confidence in any situation. She provides actionable tips that can help you develop a resilient mindset and thrive in various scenarios.