Chapter 1: The Challenge of Standing Out

Experiencing uniqueness in a conformist environment has always been a source of discomfort for me.

Imagine a young Black girl, rooted in her Jamaican heritage, finding herself in the snowy landscapes of Trois-Rivières, Quebec. While her classmates are busy mastering English, she’s grappling with the intricacies of Québécois French. (That little girl? That was me.) At the tender age of six, my family transitioned from the vibrant city life of Toronto to what I perceived as a magical forest encapsulated in a snow globe.

Like a solitary green M&M among a sea of blue, I was hard to miss. This wasn’t my first experience of feeling different. Roughly a year later, after a brief return to Toronto, we relocated to the southern U.S. Just as I became accustomed to asking for "toilettes" and "serviettes" in Canada, I soon discovered that these terms were foreign in my new surroundings.

Being perceived as different in grade school made forging friendships particularly challenging. School became a space where discomfort thrived, and I found solace in the world of my imagination. I have fond memories of curling up in my bottom bunk with a tiny reading light, devouring books long past my bedtime. Within those stories, I didn’t have to navigate the complexities of social interactions with the popular kids, who often overlooked me.

Despite my passion for reading, my parents fought to secure my place in accelerated programs. I recall overhearing my mother assertively discussing my academic needs with my teacher. At that time, I was merely managing a low B average and rarely spoke up in class. These advanced programs were not intended for students who were just "okay." I even told my mom that I was content with regular classes, but she was determined, and I’m grateful for her insistence. Although my teachers were skeptical and only tentatively placed me in the program, my mother recognized my potential. With higher expectations, I rose to the challenge.

Surrounded by peers who eagerly discussed college aspirations, GPAs, and academic interests, I found the freedom to engage in my studies. I immersed myself in various extracurricular activities: I became involved in Future Business Leaders of America, Project Discovery (college prep), and participated in martial arts, softball, soccer, and even a week of tennis camp (which was more than enough for one summer). My interests expanded to church activities, theater, and science camps.

Ultimately, I gravitated towards science. My fascination with the subject stemmed from its combination of fear and intrigue. Science class offered a unique opportunity to contemplate the intricate, often terrifying processes within my body and brain that allowed me to even think about my existence. It was a space where I confronted my own insignificance against the backdrop of the universe. However, I must admit, my strongest performances were in English, Literature, and Composition, where my love for words flourished.

Studying neuroscience in college proved to be challenging yet immensely rewarding. I was captivated by the notion of how embryonic cells possess the potential to become any cell type, with some ultimately evolving into brain cells. I was fascinated by the communication between cells through electrical impulses and chemical signals. Most importantly, I learned to ask insightful questions, devise strategies for addressing them, and enjoy the freedom to pursue answers. Still, I remained the odd one out who didn’t roll my eyes at writing assignments. I feigned annoyance at having to take courses outside my major, such as French I-II and Race, Rhetoric, & Poetry. Ironically, I was among the few seniors who took the Writing in Neuroscience course and looked up to our female instructor who authored our textbook.

Now, as a Ph.D. candidate in neurobiology, I find myself more at ease with being the anomaly in both scientific and literary circles. My extensive research has positioned me as an authority on my topic, boosting my confidence in sharing knowledge while fostering the humility and curiosity required to learn what I don’t yet know.

Nevertheless, it remains a unique and often unsettling experience to discuss my scientific work in writing environments or to converse about my writing in scientific settings. Yet, through these discomforts and challenges that push me to elevate my standards, I find opportunities for growth within the spaces that lie between.

This video, "Jan Blomqvist - The Space In Between (Ben Böhmer Remix)," captures the essence of navigating the complexities of feeling out of place. It’s a beautiful reminder that discomfort can lead to growth.

Chapter 2: Embracing the Uncomfortable Journey

The official music video for "Jan Blomqvist - The Space In Between" further illustrates the journey of self-discovery and finding one’s place in the world, emphasizing that discomfort often precedes personal evolution.