A Journey Through Acceptance and Resilience for Harmony
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Chapter 1: The Path to My Next Book
As I approach the launch of my upcoming book, "The War Within Us," scheduled for April 15, 2023, I reflect on this intriguing phase of my writing adventure. While I'm becoming more at ease with sharing my work, I still wrestle with conflicting emotions.
My experience has been a blend of anxiety, fearing that my insights may not resonate with readers, alongside a touch of impostor syndrome. However, I've discovered that writing is a therapeutic outlet, something I now eagerly anticipate. Gone are the days when I dreaded penning my thoughts.
For those who have been following my journey, you might recall that I recently published my first book, "Always Improving: Lessons from the Samurai," which details how I integrate the eight virtues of the Bushido code to foster Work:Life Harmony. The positive feedback from readers has inspired me to embark on this new project, which emphasizes acceptance, resilience, and the pursuit of harmony in life.
Section 1.1: Embracing Acceptance
We are not naturally equipped to accept circumstances as they unfold. Instead, we learn responses from those around us, molding our behaviors through observation. If acceptance is practiced by our mentors, we too can develop this essential skill; otherwise, it remains elusive.
This realization has been crucial for me. My behaviors were often shaped by the reactions of others, and I’ve had to confront the truth that everything happening is neutral. It is our perceptions that color these experiences.
Acceptance involves acknowledging situations without judgment. To cultivate Work:Life Harmony, one must understand that the only thing within our control is our response to events.
One practice I have incorporated into my routine is hansei, a self-reflective technique rooted in Japanese culture. This practice allows me to evaluate my daily presence and responsibilities. For instance, I recognized the need to improve my planning for future meetings and events, leading to a more fulfilling routine and improved outcomes for my team.
Improving Acceptance to Enhance Resilience
Integrating acceptance into our daily lives fosters resilience, enabling us to navigate challenges with clarity. When faced with adversity, it's vital to allow resilience to flourish rather than succumbing to negative narratives. Embracing the truth of the moment is essential for growth.
Plants thriving in harsh conditions develop robust roots, symbolizing our need for resilience amid adversity. Accepting that challenges are an inevitable part of life helps us see that we are not isolated in our struggles; many have faced similar challenges before us.
“Distress comes not from the event itself, but from our judgment of it.” — Marcus Aurelius, Meditations 8.47
My personal trials along this journey have fostered resilience, empowering me to confront challenges head-on and recognize I’m not alone in my battles.
Chapter 2: The Karpman Drama Triangle
You may be familiar with the Karpman Drama Triangle, which depicts three roles: Persecutor, Rescuer, and Victim.
When we find fault in others, we often adopt the Victim role, seeking a Persecutor. Conversely, when we hope for a savior, we play the role of the Victim waiting for a Rescuer. Living in this cycle hinders our ability to develop acceptance and resilience.
Adopting a kaizen mindset—continually seeking self-improvement—empowers us to take control of our lives. By focusing on personal growth, we break free from victimhood and navigate toward Work:Life Harmony, where we regain command over our time and decisions.
Since embracing acceptance, my inclination to make excuses has significantly diminished.
The Power of Acceptance
I’d like to share an excerpt from my new book, Chapter 1. Enjoy!
“Don’t seek for everything to happen as you wish it would, but rather wish that everything happens as it actually will — then your life will flow well.” - Epictetus, Enchiridion, 8
In the past, I often engaged in polarized conversations that could escalate due to my inability to recognize nuances. Reflecting on a pivotal meeting with my former boss, Joe, helped me understand how my black-and-white thinking affected my interactions. His feedback on my emotional expressions was eye-opening and has since guided my journey toward acceptance.
How That One Conversation Changed Me
That conversation with Joe shifted my focus inward, helping me understand that situations hold no intrinsic value; I assign meaning to them. This realization marked a turning point, enabling me to recognize when frustration arose and adjust my reactions accordingly.
While I haven’t perfected this skill, I am more attuned to moments that provoke frustration. This awareness allows me to engage with situations more thoughtfully, leading to healthier relationships and greater productivity.
Staying Connected to Your Authentic Self
Do you aspire to lead a fulfilling life? It’s essential to recognize that fulfillment varies from person to person. Striving to replicate someone else's journey can lead to disconnection from your unique purpose.
Remaining true to yourself requires accepting the reality around you. The samurai philosopher Miyamoto Musashi emphasized this in his final manuscript, "The Dokkōdō," which outlines principles for living honorably.
Dokkōdō Principle #1: Do not go against the way of the human world that is perpetuated from generation to generation.
Musashi's teachings remind us to embrace our authentic selves and accept our circumstances. The Japanese concept of arugamama encourages us to accept our feelings without judgment.
The Challenge of Acceptance
Acceptance is a skill that demands practice and discipline. A personal struggle in my thirties involved living inauthentically, which left me feeling unfulfilled. Embracing my true self has transformed my outlook and provided hope for the future.
To incorporate arugamama into your life, practice self-reflection. Ask yourself: "Am I embracing my surroundings and authentic self?"
Hansei Questions
- What did I say I would do today that I didn’t?
- What did I actually do instead?
- What am I proud of that I did today?
- What am I not proud of?
- How did I lead people?
- How did I follow others?
- If I could do today over again, what would I do differently?
- Looking to tomorrow, based on what I learned today, what will I do differently?
Regularly reflecting on your choices can facilitate Work:Life Harmony, aligning your work with your life’s purpose.
Don’t Live to Work, Work So You Can Live
In my career, I’ve encountered jobs that left me feeling drained. I’ve learned that if a role doesn’t nourish my spirit, it’s time for a change. Striving for harmony means removing barriers to feeling connected to myself.
The Japanese kanji for harmony, wa (和), symbolizes my commitment to finding peace in daily situations. This practice has been instrumental in reminding me of what I can control and what I cannot.
Improving my response to situations has become easier over time, although challenges persist.
As Ken Mogi, a leading researcher on neuroscience and ikigai, stated, “Accepting oneself often involves releasing the illusory self.” This acceptance is fundamental to resisting distractions and staying true to ourselves.
What steps will you take to cultivate more Work:Life Harmony?
Work Life Harmony Assessment
You can take this assessment as many times as you wish on your journey toward achieving greater Work:Life Harmony.
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About the Author
Steve Beauchamp is the author of "Always Improving: Lessons from the Samurai" and "The War Within Us: Learn Acceptance, Build Resilience & Create Work:Life Harmony." He shares insights on continuous improvement, strategic planning, and achieving Work:Life Harmony at stevebeauchamp.com.
The first video, "BLAZE BAYLEY: War Within Me (OFFICIAL LYRIC VIDEO)," explores the themes of inner struggle and resilience depicted through powerful lyrics and visuals.
The second video, "I Tried World Of Warcraft's: The War Within... It Surprised Me..." reflects on personal growth and unexpected lessons learned from a gaming experience.