Chapter 1: Understanding the Dynamics of New Relationships

In the initial stages of a romantic connection, everything may seem magical and intense. It’s common to feel a strong bond and excitement. However, it’s crucial to keep a realistic perspective during these early days.

By Harris O’Malley

Dear Dr. NerdLove:

Three months ago, I connected with a woman on New Year's Eve, and we instantly felt chemistry. After a month, I asked her to be my girlfriend, and she accepted. Both of us are Indian, and given her age of 28, marriage is a significant topic. Early on, we talked about our future together, and it felt right at the time. We express our love frequently, but she has had several past relationships, including a friends-with-benefits situation, and considers me her third love.

As our relationship progressed into the third month, I noticed she sometimes struggles emotionally, often not sharing her feelings with me. I strive to be supportive and compassionate, and she appreciates my presence during her tough days. Recently, she had a particularly bad day and withdrew from communication, stating that the issue was unrelated to me but didn’t want to disclose it. Despite her moods, our time together is fulfilling, filled with strong chemistry.

However, when apart, her responsiveness drops significantly. She often doesn’t share her daily experiences but asks about mine, which makes me anxious. Additionally, she has joked about our potential breakup, which I find unsettling. When I suggested we might need to slow down regarding engagement plans, she reacted negatively, leading me to question her trust in me.

She’s consistently late for our dates, and while I haven’t addressed it, I wonder if it might indicate deeper issues. She prefers taking photos on her phone, limiting my involvement in capturing our moments. Our communication patterns are also concerning; she rarely initiates texts but will express affection when she misses me. I’m confused about how to address these issues and whether I should wait it out, initiate a serious conversation, or consider ending things.

Feels Like The First Time

Alright, let’s start with the reality check about your first relationship. You might feel like you’re in love, but what you’re likely experiencing is known as “new relationship energy” (NRE). This is when your brain is flooded with dopamine and oxytocin, especially during intimate moments. These feelings can be misleading, particularly if you’ve never felt anything like this before.

At this early stage, it’s essential to avoid making grand future plans. After just three months, you still have a lot to learn about each other. It’s normal to have some awkwardness and discomfort in communication, especially when you’re both still figuring out your dynamics.

NRE typically lasts six months to a year, after which the intensity may fade. This doesn’t mean your relationship is doomed; it’s simply a natural progression. Conflicts will arise, and that’s a normal part of any relationship. The key is not to panic; instead, focus on how you handle disagreements and conflicts.

Some aspects of your relationship, like her texting habits, may not change over time. Acceptance is crucial here. Rather than trying to change her, it’s often more beneficial to adjust your expectations and find ways to communicate that work for both of you.

It’s also important to remember that this relationship may not be your last. Every relationship teaches you something, and while this one is significant, it’s part of a broader journey.

Chapter 2: The Role of Social Context in Dating

Navigating social situations can be tricky, especially when it comes to expressing interest in someone. Context matters greatly, and understanding where and how to approach someone is key to a positive interaction.

The first video discusses essential considerations before entering a relationship. It emphasizes the importance of understanding your feelings and the dynamics at play.

The second video reflects on valuable lessons learned from first relationships, highlighting common pitfalls and how to avoid them.

In summary, give yourselves the time to enjoy the early stages without the pressure of immediate commitment. Focus on building a solid foundation of trust and communication, and you’ll be better equipped to navigate the challenges that lie ahead.

Good luck!