How to Reassert Your Dominance as a Tech Bro in Remote Work
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Chapter 1: Embracing Your Inner Tech Bro
Do you feel like your colleagues no longer view you as a serious contender because you can’t share fist bumps with your fellow tech bros in the hall? Are you missing the camaraderie of friendly backslaps and playful noogies at the office? Fear not! There are still many creative ways to reassert your dominance in the realm of remote work.
1. Bro Up Your Workout Game
Ensure your coworkers catch a glimpse of your fitness regime during Zoom meetings. Ideally, engage in some high-intensity workouts like CrossFit or P90X. This will signal that you're fit and not to be trifled with. If you're pressed for time before a call, spritz some water on your forehead to create the illusion of just having completed an intense workout.
2. Bro Up Your Look
Wearing sunglasses indoors adds an air of mystery and toughness. Pair that with a neatly groomed beard to suggest that your testosterone levels are sky-high. While early baldness might be a concern, don’t forget your rich dad’s ability to finance hair transplants. Additionally, flaunt a good-quality gold chain; authenticity matters because discerning eyes can spot a fake.
3. Bro Up Your Background
Select a Zoom backdrop featuring you partying at a club or enjoying life on a yacht. If opting for the yacht, consider using an animated GIF to mimic the gentle sway of the ocean, reinforcing your luxurious lifestyle.
4. Bro Up Your Beverage Choices
As a tech bro, always have a drink in hand during video calls. The specific drink doesn’t matter; just ensure it’s in a red cup and that you’re downing it like it’s a party. Keep a bottle of whiskey or scotch in view to enhance that party vibe.
5. Automate Your Non-Bro Tasks
Utilize automation tools to turn off your camera during random intervals, creating an impression of being occupied with bro activities. You can also set up automated email responses that include phrases like “What’s up, bro?” or “What’s the haps, my main man?” You don’t need to be a tech genius; user-friendly tools like Zapier can handle this for you.
6. Bro Up Your Energy
Consider increasing your intake of substances that can elevate your energy levels. While the bathroom buzz at the office was adequate, projecting that energy through a video call can be more challenging. So, amplify your intake as needed.
7. Speak Like a True Bro
Make sure to interject during meetings, except when speaking with fellow tech bros, as adhering to the bro code is essential. This behavior not only establishes your dominance but also highlights your intelligence. Use phrases like “crushing it,” “disrupting the industry,” and “killing it” to solidify your position.
By adopting these strategies, you’ll be well on your way to reclaiming your status as the top bro in all your virtual gatherings.
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