Chapter 1: The Reality of Love

Is it feasible to love men for their inherent qualities, or is affection contingent on what they offer?

Hard truths can often sting more than anything else, whether they pertain to uncontrollable external factors or deeper internal realizations we’ve evaded but can change.

The comedian Chris Rock made a poignant observation in one of his stand-up acts:

“Only women, children, and dogs are loved unconditionally…a man is only loved under the condition that he provides something.”

The dramatic delivery of these words felt like a dagger to the heart.

In my younger days, I was a romantic at heart, driven by dreams of love. I was enamored with the idea of sweeping women off their feet through gifts, flowers, and sweet whispers. The concept of love was intoxicating, and I longed for a partner who could connect with my soul. I envisioned someone strong yet vulnerable, who could face the world alongside me.

Yet, with each failed relationship, I felt a piece of my heart diminish, and my understanding of love grew increasingly complicated. Despite my best efforts, it seemed that my gestures were never quite enough.

While youthful infatuation and lack of self-awareness can lead to a needy persona, I eventually recognized that I was often stifling. In my quest to discover what women desired, I stumbled upon the conventional markers of success that many men cling to: wealth, possessions, physical appearance, and status.

Love is undeniably intricate and often messy. We must confront the myriad factors that can render relationships unhealthy, such as codependency, narcissism, and power dynamics.

Section 1.1: Why Women Love Men

So, what drives women to love men?

The harsh reality is that, despite society’s movement toward equality, the expectations within relationships remain largely unchanged. For centuries, men have held the roles of protectors and providers, which has historically made them attractive partners. Women have traditionally been caregivers, soothing the rigidness of men and offering peace.

I can resonate with this traditional outlook. I believe it’s natural for men to embrace roles of provision and protection, as it grants us purpose and pushes us to excel. However, the question arises: is this truly sufficient to define masculinity?

Absolutely not.

We understand the implications of a man who is strong yet lacks emotional intelligence or empathy. I am not unique in my journey, but I take pride in my ability to express emotions that diverge from typical masculine traits. Following my reading of David Deida’s “The Way of the Superior Man,” I embraced the coexistence of masculine and feminine qualities within myself.

Subsection 1.1.1: The Balance of Masculinity and Femininity

However, despite women’s calls for men to be empathetic and present, this alone is not enough. Men must also embody traditional masculine attributes—strength, success, and a robust presence.

As challenging as this realization was for me, I came to terms with it. I had devoted significant effort to nurturing my softer side, yet it never seemed adequate. This is the fundamental truth all men must face: regardless of where we fall on the masculine-feminine spectrum, achieving balance is essential.

Chapter 2: The Illusion of Unconditional Love

Can men be cherished simply for who they are? The answer appears to be no.

Whether rooted in evolutionary foundations or societal constructs, this notion seems deeply entrenched. Yet, I believe that true love transcends status and material offerings. Many men strive to be good, capable, and worthy partners.

I once thought my kindness and willingness to love entitled me to something in return. However, I allowed external circumstances to dictate my self-worth until my late twenties—a trait that is not particularly appealing in men.

It’s unlikely that unconditional love for men is a reality we will ever grasp. Perhaps “unconditional love” is merely a comforting phrase we use to cope with our shortcomings. Can we genuinely love someone who fails to love themselves? Someone who neglects their own growth and relies on external validation?

I doubt it.

Perhaps unconditional love is a misnomer; rather, it may hinge on mutual respect for self-love and personal growth.

Love yourself fiercely, my friends.

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Remember…always question everything!

The first video, "UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - who does it better Men or Women," dives into the differences in how men and women approach love, providing insights into relationship dynamics.

The second video, "Does UNCONDITIONAL LOVE Really Exist??," explores the concept of unconditional love and whether it is a realistic expectation in relationships.