Mathematics and Dating: A Logical Approach

Having spent much of my life solving mathematical problems, I tend to seek logic in all areas, including relationships. Not everyone shares this analytical view, especially regarding dating, which is why I wish to share my insights to assist those who might be in a similar situation.

Seeing Dating as a Math Problem

Everyone desires a romantic partnership. Despite the independence and self-sufficiency women have achieved today—being able to work, support themselves, and even have children through donors—the yearning for connection persists. Every woman I encounter, regardless of her level of independence, deeply longs for genuine connection.

Yet, due to various influences such as past trauma, personality traits, cultural background, and personal experiences, we often find ourselves drawn to inappropriate partners. Even when we do find a suitable match, relationships can still falter. If you're currently in a fulfilling relationship, this advice may not apply to you—congratulations.

Following a breakup, many women feel despondent and either desire to reconcile with their ex, seek revenge, or take time to "heal." The pivotal moment is this: avoid fixating on the past or isolating yourself to recuperate. Instead, acknowledge that it's over (at least for now) and conduct a logical analysis of the situation. Recognize patterns (is it always the same scenario?), draw conclusions, and re-enter the dating scene with the goal of making more informed choices. The longer you pause, the more distance grows between you and your ideal partner.

For instance, a friend of mine consistently attracted men who were either in relationships or married, despite her being single. This perplexed her because she had no desire to engage with them, yet they were the only ones she felt drawn to. We decided to approach this as a math problem.

She identified the common traits shared by these men, reflected on her feelings around them, and considered how these emotions aligned with her true desires. It dawned on me that she derived a sense of control from these interactions. Knowing that she couldn't form a relationship with them allowed her to enjoy their company without the fear of abandonment.

This realization was a revelation for her. However, it was only through a careful examination of each step that she was able to uncover the reasoning behind her actions and recognize the repeating patterns. Once the root cause was identified, breaking the cycle became significantly easier. When you pinpoint the problem, solutions become attainable. Otherwise, you risk spiraling in circles without realizing it.

The Men’s Approach: Action Over Reflection

Reading self-help literature is helpful, yet theory alone won't propel you toward your goals without practical application. It's akin to academics—reading at home is beneficial, but genuine progress occurs when you apply your knowledge and assess your understanding.

Ladies, practice is essential. Let me clarify: I’m not advocating for casual encounters or dating multiple partners indiscriminately—that's contrary to my message.

When men go through a breakup, they may spend a few days feeling down but quickly return to dating. Why? It's not because they are reckless; rather, they rely on actions to cope. Men often find it challenging to navigate their emotions, so they revert to what they know best—taking action.

This approach has its advantages. By engaging with various women, men learn their preferences and dislikes. As the saying goes, "Knowing what you want makes it easier to get it." Moreover, meeting more women expands their pool of potential partners.

Now, consider a woman who dates a single man for an extended period—say, a year—then spends another year reflecting on that relationship. Instead, it's vital to actively participate in dating, gleaning lessons from each experience and moving forward with that knowledge.

It's equally important to recognize your genuine needs, which can often conflict with one another. For example, I once believed I needed a deeply romantic partner but later discovered that I struggled with the emotional volatility that often accompanies such relationships. Other times, I thought I desired something different, only to realize it was more appealing in theory than in practice.

Through experience, you can refine your understanding of what you truly require. Personally, I gain clarity from just one or two dates without making significant emotional investments. I don't support engaging in relationships with those who aren't genuine partners, but everyone has unique perspectives on this issue, so I won’t delve deeper here. My goal in dating is to find a suitable match, rather than pursuing relationships for mere enjoyment.

DISCLAIMER:

I view men as kind, protective individuals, and I believe perception functions like a mirror—what you believe, you attract. This topic merits its own discussion, but for now, let's return to the central theme.

Many men will employ strategies to test the limits of your boundaries. I’ve written an extensive article on this subject, so I won’t elaborate here. More insights on their behaviors and tactics can be found in that piece.

The Importance of Engagement: Why Taking a Break Can Backfire

After becoming single, I opted to take a break to learn more about myself and relationships. During this time, I recognized the diversity of men. While I was clear about what I sought, my approach shifted in the following ways:

By rejecting numerous potential partners during my hiatus, I became emotionally isolated. This was a novel experience since I had always welcomed male attention and never felt deprived of it. Suddenly, I found myself yearning for connection, which led me into the common trap many women encounter.

I began permitting men who didn’t meet my standards to approach me, driven by my longing for companionship. These men sensed my vulnerability and often didn’t exert the effort I typically required. After a few brief interactions with individuals I would usually dismiss, I realized that my ability to discern unsuitable partners had diminished.

Depriving myself of male attention heightened my desire for it, blinding me to potential red flags. Generally, women can detect a good man from a less desirable one if they are in tune with their instincts. However, my temporary withdrawal dulled these instincts, making me more susceptible to undesired attention.

This experience is vital because many women may think, "She's attractive, so it's easy for her," or "She receives plenty of attention, so she can afford to be picky." The truth is, regardless of one's appearance, it’s about how you perceive yourself and how you position yourself in the dating landscape.

Both attractive and less conventionally attractive individuals face similar challenges in maintaining standards and recognizing self-worth. This realization has reinforced my understanding of the importance of holding onto my standards and valuing myself, irrespective of the attention I attract. It’s not solely about external validation but also about self-perception and presentation.

Why Beauty Isn’t Enough Anymore

Correct me if I'm mistaken, but at some point, you may have found yourself saying, “I just want to be happy.”

When you genuinely (on a subconscious level) believe that you deserve the best, you naturally attract positive behaviors. Your mind will instinctively reject men who treat you poorly. You’ll recognize such individuals early on, preventing unnecessary emotional entanglements.

However, if you’re still working on this mindset, engaging with multiple men can be beneficial. This doesn’t need to be formal dates; casual conversations at a bar or among friends work just as well. The key is to remain open and receptive to attracting men who wish to court you. Allow them to demonstrate their intentions through actions—gifts, dinners, calls/messages. You might not even need to go on formal dates initially; people often reveal more about themselves through brief conversations than they would in a year of dating.

Are you aware that some men may withdraw from the dating scene even before it begins, simply because they feel the need to exert more effort than they are accustomed to? Nowadays, I've heard that calling instead of texting is considered a significant effort. Is that true?

Conclusion: Trusting Your Instincts

Experiment with this approach. The next time you encounter someone new, pay attention to your instincts and consider your initial impressions within the first five seconds. Your intuition will often convey everything you need to know without any verbal exchanges. However, it’s crucial to cultivate the ability to listen to that inner voice.

Frequently, we betray our own instincts. We may convince ourselves that we like someone based on their attributes, only to find ourselves making compromises later. You should appreciate someone for their actions rather than the idealized vision you created in your mind on the first date.

Trust your instincts from the outset and uphold your standards. This way, you’ll attract the right kind of attention and evade unnecessary heartache. Ultimately, successful dating hinges on active engagement and self-awareness. Men typically rebound from breakups by swiftly interacting with new potential partners, which helps them refine their preferences and broaden their choices. Women can also benefit from adopting a similar approach, learning from each encounter rather than isolating themselves and fixating on past relationships.

Believing in your own worth is imperative. When you see yourself as deserving of the best, you will naturally repel those who would treat you poorly. By maintaining high standards and recognizing your value, you can ensure that you don’t settle for less. Trusting your instincts will help you identify and avoid unsuitable partners early on.

To genuinely discover what you seek in a partner, engage with a variety of men. Casual interactions can provide more insight than prolonged dating periods. This approach allows you to observe how men court you, helping you to avoid becoming unnecessarily attached to those who do not meet your standards. By keeping your energy open and receptive, you will attract authentic connections and move closer to finding your ideal match.

For further reading on this topic, you might enjoy:

• The Love Formula That Actually Works: Why embracing confidence and patience is key to genuine connections.
• Men Just Need You to Love Them: Learn how loving him right can motivate him to go above and beyond.
• Decoding Dating: 9 Critical Red Flags in your quest for a serious relationship.
• Top 5 Reasons He Is Slowing on Texts: Understanding why he might not be calling and how to regain your center.

If you found this article helpful, I invite you to subscribe. Please feel free to share topics you’d like me to cover or your personal experiences. The more insights we exchange, the better we can all become!

With warm regards,

Yours truly,

Enigma