Embracing Self-Love: A Journey Beyond Self-Loathing
Written on
Chapter 1: The Struggle with Self-Loathing
For many, days filled with self-doubt can feel overwhelming. While some affirmations and truths offer guidance, there are no universal solutions.
Photo by Frank Hütter on Unsplash
Recently, I stumbled upon a captivating poem by Nikita Gill, its corner folded down, hinting at its previous impact on me. Although I can't recall having read it before, its significance is undeniable. You might feel the same…
Affirmation for Days of Self-Doubt When you find it hard to look at your reflection, remember a myth that says the face you see today is a reflection of the person you cherished most in your previous life. I know it's merely a myth, but imagine how much more compassion you would extend towards yourself if it were true.
Despite the numerous transformations in my life over the years, one constant remains: my sharp and often relentless self-criticism. It's harsh and, unfortunately, feels infinite. “Self-loathing” is indeed an apt term.
Admitting this isn’t easy for me.
However, this critical voice is just one aspect of my being. Sometimes, I can easily dismiss it, while other times, it feels harder to ignore. I often don’t concur with its assertions, yet it lingers in the dark corners of my mind, waiting to emerge, quietly murmuring in the background.
I catch myself longing, “If only I could weigh what I did in my 20s, 30s, 40s, or even 50s…” I scrutinize my 61-year-old visage and long for the skin I had during those earlier years. Yet, here's the reality: I was just as critical of my appearance back then! I felt just as dissatisfied. I harbored the same self-loathing. By comparison, there was little to critique!
So, here's a deeper truth: Self-loathing isn't tied to our weight, skin, or any other superficial factors; it transcends the mirror! We have internalized the idea that we must be different, that some aspect of us needs changing, adjusting, or improving. This yearning persists, whether we are 16 or 61.
A more courageous path must exist—one that allows us to finally see ourselves as beautiful and whole, regardless of external factors.
Just a few mornings ago, I woke with this thought: What if I were the person I cherished most? What implications would that have? What actions would I take? What habits would I abandon? How would that feel? Who would I become?
Countless questions flow from this inquiry. I encourage you to take the time to explore them, allowing yourself to hear your most genuine and vulnerable responses—those that whisper from deep within, rather than the loud, self-critical voice that often dominates.
It may be hard to envision, given our familiarity with self-loathing, but if we were to truly love ourselves, all those internal voices (and demons) would fall silent—forever.
At the core of self-love lies a fundamental belief: We must recognize our worthiness of love—both from others and, even more importantly, from ourselves.
I often wish for a straightforward formula, a mantra to recite, or a magic solution to achieve this. But such things do not exist. (Though capitalism constantly attempts to persuade us otherwise, flooding our social media feeds with promises of quick fixes.)
No simple solution exists—only life. This life. Your life. And mine.
A lifetime to shed self-loathing. A lifetime to challenge and unlearn falsehoods. A lifetime to listen to and trust our hearts. A lifetime to embrace, and even welcome, self-love. And perhaps, if Nikita Gill is correct, other lifetimes as well.