Navigating the Challenges of Love: When Attachment Becomes Burdensome
Written on
Chapter 1: Understanding Attachment in Relationships
What happens when love turns into a burden? Sometimes, staying connected to the wrong individual can feel both rewarding and toxic.
"My goal is to be like her," my friend remarked with a smile.
"Why's that? Is it just because she's attractive?"
"Attractive is an understatement. She's a goddess. Every guy is after her. Can't you see it?"
My friend was correct. Sheila certainly has her charm. But I also find my friend (let’s call her Gee) to be exceptional. If there were such a thing as a living embodiment of perfection, it would be her. Having known her for about four years, I can confidently say that Gee is one of the most delightful individuals I've ever encountered.
Her patience is remarkable; she rarely gets upset and forgives easily. If she unintentionally hurts someone, she is quick to apologize, even if she was the one wronged. She embodies grace and beauty, yet I was taken aback by her jealousy towards someone who, in my eyes, isn’t as appealing.
In all my time with her, I’ve never seen Gee engage in conflicts. In her previous romantic endeavors, she gave wholeheartedly but received little in return. Currently, she’s dating a guy who is nearly her age. They’ve been together for just over two years, and it seems like they’re both thriving in their careers.
I couldn’t comprehend why Gee felt unfulfilled and envied someone who I perceived as less attractive than herself. Sheila is indeed lovely, friendly, and enjoys her independence, often stating she is 'happily searching' when asked about her dating status. We all share a wonderful rapport, but Sheila has a side that I find unappealing—she can be vengeful if someone crosses her.
If anyone deserves admiration, it’s Gee. She has her life in order and is in love with a great man who reciprocates her feelings. When I pressed her for more information, I finally grasped the reason behind her desire to emulate Sheila.
Gee is a romantic at heart. She expressed a wish to learn how to "let go" when people exit her life, a skill Sheila appears to possess effortlessly. Sheila manages her friendships like a business; she is friendly and trusting until someone tries to compete with her, at which point the friendship dissolves, revealing a more spiteful side.
In contrast, Gee has a heart full of kindness and maintains no enemies. She confided in me that she fears the emotional toll of a breakup if her boyfriend were to leave her. Both of them desire marriage and children, but after two years, he hasn’t proposed yet, leaving her puzzled about his hesitance.
She lamented that if she could master the art of letting go, she wouldn’t be so preoccupied with "what might be," and she would have ended things with her boyfriend to find someone ready to start a family. Her fear of reaching menopause before having children weighs heavily on her mind.
I suggested that she could conceive now and consider marriage later, given that finances shouldn’t be an issue. They own a house together and lead a life similar to married couples, so her hesitations seemed unfounded to me. She explained that they had previously agreed to wait for marriage before starting a family, but that conversation was over a year ago. While she’s eager to begin a family, her boyfriend is not.
She’s torn between staying in the relationship and waiting for him or moving on. Gee is confident he isn’t unfaithful; he’s simply very focused on work and believes they should save money before having kids. His plan is to secure their financial future and that of any future children.
Gee finds his reasoning nonsensical. She earns a six-figure salary, and he makes even more. Many people manage to raise families on far less than what they make, so her desire to wait doesn’t resonate with her.
While I empathize with her boyfriend's viewpoint and would likely share his perspective, the reality is that his priorities don’t align with Gee's biological timeline. If I were in her shoes, I would probably end the relationship in search of someone with different ambitions regarding family. But the thought of a life without her boyfriend terrifies her.
Instead of reiterating what she already knows, I aimed to inspire her to trust in a higher power, believing that everything would fall into place if it was meant to be. However, Gee doesn’t subscribe to the idea of a divine influence over her life; she believes in taking control of her own destiny through her choices.
Ultimately, there’s little point in debating beliefs about faith. I left her to navigate her path as she sees fit, hoping she could adopt a similar perspective towards her fears. If something—or someone—doesn’t align with our life goals, we shouldn’t cling to them.
Getting Attached to the Wrong People Can Lead Us Astray
We often form attachments to individuals with the hope that they will change. We think that with enough patience, they can become what we desire. We mistakenly believe we can control their behavior and fear that we won’t find anyone better if they leave.
However, waiting for someone to change can be futile, as most individuals remain true to themselves. We have no authority over how others should act. Embracing the principle of letting go empowers us to redirect our time and energy away from situations beyond our control and focus on what we can influence.
You wouldn’t want to be with someone who doesn’t meet your expectations. The only way to truly understand if someone is compatible with you is to allow them to reveal their true selves. The key is to trust what they show you.
By applying the principle of letting go, you can reduce the stress and anxiety that often accompany the early stages of a relationship. You’ll be better equipped to make informed choices about whether the person you’re dating aligns with your values, thus avoiding unnecessary heartache.
Did you find this narrative engaging? Feel free to share your thoughts in the comments. Don’t forget to subscribe for more insights!
Chapter 2: Learning to Let Go
In this video titled "Ep. 318 - When does doing something you “love” turn into a burden?" we explore the emotional complexities of pursuing passions and how they can sometimes become overwhelming.
The second video, "When He's BROKE, But He LOVES YOU..." discusses the challenges of love when financial stability is a concern, and how to navigate relationships during tough times.